it is really crazy to me to be writing right now. i have been having a hard time lately. a really hard time. i get all weepy just writing about it. i've realized over the last couple of days that the tears are telling me something.
i've been quick to say, "oh, i'm doing so good!" that i have neglected my heart again. it hurts.
the tears are telling me that i need to pay attention to me again. to how i am feeling and why. it's time to push the repeat button and take care of myself in the ways i learned.
writing. crying. talking to good listeners. getting sunshine. eating well. exercise. getting good rest. taking time to do things that i feel happy about. immersing myself in the Word.
it is really hard for me to do this. mostly because i'm so busy! it is hard to say that i need to slow down again and take care of myself. but i am realizing that my kids see the tears. that zach can feel the distance. and that i don't have much to give when i am not taking care of myself.
so, i am not really saying this because i want to. but because my needs affect more than me. it stinks when you realize that your lacking does affect others.
i feel so weak right now. through the tears i just wish i could make it go away.
what i am grateful for though, is things are different right now. it is indeed a repeat, yes. but, i have learned things that i didn't know before. that really helps.
even though i say i would make it go away...because that is easier, i really wouldn't because i know i'm here because i need to be. this is a lesson that i need.
i had some really great experiences this year that really shaped me for the better. i knew that i felt better and i also knew that there would be hard times again. even though you know that hard times will come, it doesn't make it easy when they do.
i really wish i were tough...all the time. why do i break down? why can't my sleeves stay rolled up? gosh, there is so much i want so badly to do and to be and i feel too week to do any of it!
oh, to remember all the time, what is in my heart. i know i don't have to do this alone. i know i'm really not. there is so much that lifts me. i know the best remedies and The Ultimate Source of strength. i do. it seems like it takes all the strength i can muster just to get on my knees. it should be obvious to me that if its hard to kneel then that is exactly what i need to do.
aw, but obvious is not always easiest. i guess in all actuality i am not going for easy. that's not who i am. these are the the things that help me to forge the relationship i need with my Father. these things serve a purpose. i will help it along.
i've been quick to say, "oh, i'm doing so good!" that i have neglected my heart again. it hurts.
the tears are telling me that i need to pay attention to me again. to how i am feeling and why. it's time to push the repeat button and take care of myself in the ways i learned.
writing. crying. talking to good listeners. getting sunshine. eating well. exercise. getting good rest. taking time to do things that i feel happy about. immersing myself in the Word.
it is really hard for me to do this. mostly because i'm so busy! it is hard to say that i need to slow down again and take care of myself. but i am realizing that my kids see the tears. that zach can feel the distance. and that i don't have much to give when i am not taking care of myself.
so, i am not really saying this because i want to. but because my needs affect more than me. it stinks when you realize that your lacking does affect others.
i feel so weak right now. through the tears i just wish i could make it go away.
what i am grateful for though, is things are different right now. it is indeed a repeat, yes. but, i have learned things that i didn't know before. that really helps.
even though i say i would make it go away...because that is easier, i really wouldn't because i know i'm here because i need to be. this is a lesson that i need.
i had some really great experiences this year that really shaped me for the better. i knew that i felt better and i also knew that there would be hard times again. even though you know that hard times will come, it doesn't make it easy when they do.
i really wish i were tough...all the time. why do i break down? why can't my sleeves stay rolled up? gosh, there is so much i want so badly to do and to be and i feel too week to do any of it!
oh, to remember all the time, what is in my heart. i know i don't have to do this alone. i know i'm really not. there is so much that lifts me. i know the best remedies and The Ultimate Source of strength. i do. it seems like it takes all the strength i can muster just to get on my knees. it should be obvious to me that if its hard to kneel then that is exactly what i need to do.
aw, but obvious is not always easiest. i guess in all actuality i am not going for easy. that's not who i am. these are the the things that help me to forge the relationship i need with my Father. these things serve a purpose. i will help it along.
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