Lately I've been crying. Crying because it happened. I would think about this moment and wonder if it would and it did.
In July I posted THIS and THIS. I would listen to Hilary Weeks song "Beautiful Heartbreak" and wonder if it would ever happen for me. Would I ever be able to look back on this difficult, terrible time and say it is beautiful?
I weep all the time because I am so grateful. I feel like this last year has been a package with my name on it, hand delivered by Lily, with love from my Father. Is is so beautiful!
I think back on some terrible days, weeks, moments and at the time I would have done anything to have them taken away, changed in anyway possible. Now? I feel so grateful to have had each. one.
I am absolutely amazed. How is that done? It is nothing short of a tender mercy.
When the Lord helps us to understand the why for somethings and helps us to feel peace and acceptance about the others it is so tender and so wonderful. I feel so blessed.
I feel blessed to have Lily. I feel blessed to have my family just the way it is. I feel blessed to be right where we are. I have never felt so at peace in all of my life. It just amazes me that this peace came from something so terrible. I think about it and often ask, "how is it done?"
I just know that He is at the helm. He has a purpose for me, for my family, for all of us. He lives with intent. Everything He does is for our good and for a greater, far greater purpose. It is so hard to grasp that and honestly, I don't know how I did it. There were so many times that someone close to me would say, "you're doing it right" and I would either say, or think, "what the heck are you talking about, I'm a mess!"
I look back and think about it though and it was a learning process. Down to some very, very difficult things that happened in August, I was applying things that I had learned earlier in the year and that made the difference. The Lord helped me to see how earlier experiences had actually (can you believe it?!), they were actually a blessing! I felt His love fill my heart as I was really able to see His hand in what I had been through. Because of this experience I have such a small and amazing glimpse of what the end of our lives will be like. How humbled and grateful we will feel when we are given the opportunity to see what His purposes were! Its obvious to me that I will most definitely cry. :)
Being able to see His guiding hand is such a tender mercy. -those are the best words i can use to describe it!
Upon reviewing my scripture journal for the year per the request of our Stake Presidency for Stake Conference (to all of us, not just me), I found this scripture that had hit home months back and it did so again.
In July I posted THIS and THIS. I would listen to Hilary Weeks song "Beautiful Heartbreak" and wonder if it would ever happen for me. Would I ever be able to look back on this difficult, terrible time and say it is beautiful?
I weep all the time because I am so grateful. I feel like this last year has been a package with my name on it, hand delivered by Lily, with love from my Father. Is is so beautiful!
I think back on some terrible days, weeks, moments and at the time I would have done anything to have them taken away, changed in anyway possible. Now? I feel so grateful to have had each. one.
I am absolutely amazed. How is that done? It is nothing short of a tender mercy.
When the Lord helps us to understand the why for somethings and helps us to feel peace and acceptance about the others it is so tender and so wonderful. I feel so blessed.
I feel blessed to have Lily. I feel blessed to have my family just the way it is. I feel blessed to be right where we are. I have never felt so at peace in all of my life. It just amazes me that this peace came from something so terrible. I think about it and often ask, "how is it done?"
I just know that He is at the helm. He has a purpose for me, for my family, for all of us. He lives with intent. Everything He does is for our good and for a greater, far greater purpose. It is so hard to grasp that and honestly, I don't know how I did it. There were so many times that someone close to me would say, "you're doing it right" and I would either say, or think, "what the heck are you talking about, I'm a mess!"
I look back and think about it though and it was a learning process. Down to some very, very difficult things that happened in August, I was applying things that I had learned earlier in the year and that made the difference. The Lord helped me to see how earlier experiences had actually (can you believe it?!), they were actually a blessing! I felt His love fill my heart as I was really able to see His hand in what I had been through. Because of this experience I have such a small and amazing glimpse of what the end of our lives will be like. How humbled and grateful we will feel when we are given the opportunity to see what His purposes were! Its obvious to me that I will most definitely cry. :)
Being able to see His guiding hand is such a tender mercy. -those are the best words i can use to describe it!
Upon reviewing my scripture journal for the year per the request of our Stake Presidency for Stake Conference (to all of us, not just me), I found this scripture that had hit home months back and it did so again.
“Our merciful God has
given us great knowledge. “let us not hang down our heads..” “We have been driven out…but we have been led
to a better land.” -2 Ne. 10:20
He knows where He is leading us, we have so much to be grateful for!...even if we can't know His purposes now. We will in time.
2 comments:
You are awesome. Love you so much. We need to get together sometime. Brian's always up for a drive through the canyon so maybe we'll come up that way!
This is wonderful! I really enjoyed reading this post. Love you!
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