wow. it is so hard for me to believe that in one month, two years has passed since i walked the hospital halls with such an aching heart. as i walked in, carrying my precious baby inside me, that i would soon walk out with empty arms.
the tears have been flowing the last few days & i haven't been able to figure out why. and then i realize, here i am again. grieving.
its a good thing though. it's good to be able to sit & write.
it is interesting to me, even though i was told it would be this way, that i cry, i ache, i wonder how life would be if we had sweet Lily here.
she would be two. two? an adorable two year old. i know she would be adorable because my kids are. :)
two years & one month ago, i went into the hospital knowing our little angel was gone. i was so, so sad. talk about an experience i never planned on having.
to revisit these experiences & memories is hard.
what comes with it though is humbling. i can see more clearly now than i did then. i can see how our Heavenly Father helped us through. i can feel that my faith in his plan is so much stronger.
the lessons i learned during that time have been such a blessing. i know my Heavenly Father loves me.
now we hold Reddick. he brought a lot of things with him. he brought peace. he brought love. he brought hope. he brought Lily closer to our home than she was before. i feel like he knows her. i know he does. i feel her nearer to our family than i did before. i talk to her sometimes. i know she hears me. i know he talks to her too.
honestly i didn't really feel her before. this was super hard for me. i felt like maybe i wasn't spiritual enough & that maybe i was doing something wrong. but, somethings can't be forced. i had to ride on faith & know the things I believed were true. i believed she was watching over our family & she was always near & that she loved me. i guess i felt that sometimes & didn't realize it was her.
he did not replace her because she is Lily & he is Reddick. but it sure is wonderful to hold him. when i do, i feel so grateful. i miss her & i do wish i had this time with her as well. even though i feel that way, i know that all our losses will be made up. they will. i don't know exactly how, but i have faith that they will.
Lily is a part of our family. we do a family cheer after prayer & her name is a part of it. her pictures hang in our family room too.
when i look at Reddick, i wonder what he'd tell me. in fact, i think he is telling me things & i just don't understand.
my heart still hurts. i never will be the same. life feels like never ending circles sometimes. especially now because here i am again.
i love that Angel child of mine. Lily Rebecca Nielson.
the tears have been flowing the last few days & i haven't been able to figure out why. and then i realize, here i am again. grieving.
its a good thing though. it's good to be able to sit & write.
it is interesting to me, even though i was told it would be this way, that i cry, i ache, i wonder how life would be if we had sweet Lily here.
she would be two. two? an adorable two year old. i know she would be adorable because my kids are. :)
two years & one month ago, i went into the hospital knowing our little angel was gone. i was so, so sad. talk about an experience i never planned on having.
to revisit these experiences & memories is hard.
what comes with it though is humbling. i can see more clearly now than i did then. i can see how our Heavenly Father helped us through. i can feel that my faith in his plan is so much stronger.
the lessons i learned during that time have been such a blessing. i know my Heavenly Father loves me.
now we hold Reddick. he brought a lot of things with him. he brought peace. he brought love. he brought hope. he brought Lily closer to our home than she was before. i feel like he knows her. i know he does. i feel her nearer to our family than i did before. i talk to her sometimes. i know she hears me. i know he talks to her too.
honestly i didn't really feel her before. this was super hard for me. i felt like maybe i wasn't spiritual enough & that maybe i was doing something wrong. but, somethings can't be forced. i had to ride on faith & know the things I believed were true. i believed she was watching over our family & she was always near & that she loved me. i guess i felt that sometimes & didn't realize it was her.
he did not replace her because she is Lily & he is Reddick. but it sure is wonderful to hold him. when i do, i feel so grateful. i miss her & i do wish i had this time with her as well. even though i feel that way, i know that all our losses will be made up. they will. i don't know exactly how, but i have faith that they will.
Lily is a part of our family. we do a family cheer after prayer & her name is a part of it. her pictures hang in our family room too.
when i look at Reddick, i wonder what he'd tell me. in fact, i think he is telling me things & i just don't understand.
my heart still hurts. i never will be the same. life feels like never ending circles sometimes. especially now because here i am again.
i love that Angel child of mine. Lily Rebecca Nielson.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry. I wish your sweet little Lily was here with you as well and I agree, your kids are adorable.
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