my seven year old and i just finished the first book of Harry Potter. I've never read it before and it was fun! well, we watched the movie last night. he has been dying to see it.
here is a quote for your quoting pleasure..or mine.
"it does not do well to dwell on dreams...and forget to live" -Albus Dumbledore
this has been on my mind a lot lately. when i heard this, i had to write it down! it is hard when you want good things but you feel like you are just waiting for them...and they aren't coming.
without bearing all the information that would really be too much for this here blog, saying i would like to have another baby is an understatement.
after i had Lily i was so traumatized (and still might be), i struggled with knowing if i could try again and if i really wanted to open myself up to the possibility of pain again...
well, Elder Anderson gave a talk in Conference about children and that got me thinking.
long story short, we've tried and no luck. there have been some really hard things happen in this area over the last year and it has taught me a lot. i feel so grateful to be able to say that i know why. i know why some of these hard things have had happened...that is a little different from not knowing why everything with Lily had to happen.
i thought for sure i would be pregnant by now.
so sure that i've turned down so many fun things in the name of being pregnant. some of our good friends here in our ward wanted to do the Spud man triathlon together. well, they did and we didn't and i'm still not pregnant.
when that race came and went i realized that perhaps i need to learn something else in all of this. that is, how to have the courage to live...to really live, still totally wanting but not waiting. ready to be grateful when it comes, but living other dreams & reaching other goals in the meantime.
there is such a peace and contentment that i get a wind of when i think about that.
the ache for a baby is something i feel in my arms and in my heart. it is something i want so bad. it is amazing to me how much i want it.
there are other things i want too. i think now might be the time to try and snap out of my transe. perhaps start thinking about the life i want right now, the things i want to do and start doing them? i think it's easy to focus so much on the things that we want and don't have, that we totally miss what we have and the opportunities around us for a peaceful and contented life.
i'm thinking just now of President Uchdorf's talk about the golden ticket. yes, the golden ticket is great but let's not forget about the joy of a chocolate bar!
here's to living the life i have. loving it and doing it on purpose. i am learning to live...really live.
here is a quote for your quoting pleasure..or mine.
"it does not do well to dwell on dreams...and forget to live" -Albus Dumbledore
this has been on my mind a lot lately. when i heard this, i had to write it down! it is hard when you want good things but you feel like you are just waiting for them...and they aren't coming.
without bearing all the information that would really be too much for this here blog, saying i would like to have another baby is an understatement.
after i had Lily i was so traumatized (and still might be), i struggled with knowing if i could try again and if i really wanted to open myself up to the possibility of pain again...
well, Elder Anderson gave a talk in Conference about children and that got me thinking.
long story short, we've tried and no luck. there have been some really hard things happen in this area over the last year and it has taught me a lot. i feel so grateful to be able to say that i know why. i know why some of these hard things have had happened...that is a little different from not knowing why everything with Lily had to happen.
i thought for sure i would be pregnant by now.
so sure that i've turned down so many fun things in the name of being pregnant. some of our good friends here in our ward wanted to do the Spud man triathlon together. well, they did and we didn't and i'm still not pregnant.
when that race came and went i realized that perhaps i need to learn something else in all of this. that is, how to have the courage to live...to really live, still totally wanting but not waiting. ready to be grateful when it comes, but living other dreams & reaching other goals in the meantime.
there is such a peace and contentment that i get a wind of when i think about that.
the ache for a baby is something i feel in my arms and in my heart. it is something i want so bad. it is amazing to me how much i want it.
there are other things i want too. i think now might be the time to try and snap out of my transe. perhaps start thinking about the life i want right now, the things i want to do and start doing them? i think it's easy to focus so much on the things that we want and don't have, that we totally miss what we have and the opportunities around us for a peaceful and contented life.
i'm thinking just now of President Uchdorf's talk about the golden ticket. yes, the golden ticket is great but let's not forget about the joy of a chocolate bar!
here's to living the life i have. loving it and doing it on purpose. i am learning to live...really live.
3 comments:
Becca, I'm so very sorry. As someone who has struggled (is still struggling) with infertility, I know how painful that desire to have a baby in your arms is. I wish there were something I could say that could make it easier but I can't. Just know I am here for you if you need anything!!! Love you. It was so good to see you at A cappellastock.
I have that desire too. And then I am scared, and so many other emotions also. I need to try to live life more fully too. I tend to make big plans for the future and forget the here and now sometimes. I will be praying for you... and me too. :)
Becca... I know it's been forever since I have even talked to you... but on a whim when I was good, I added you to my google reader... but Sunday nights I kind of breeze through and catch up... only things have been so crazy that I have not done it in a few weeks... but it was a good reminder... I know there are times I thought I'd me married by now... but what? No..I am in my thirties...and for some reason I am back in school... but it's okay...sometimes there are more paths in life then we realize exist... <3 your post... hang in there things work out for the best! <3 ya!
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