This last year has been different in many ways...perhaps life has felt enhanced in a lot of ways and then in other ways its been a blur.
one thing that has been enhanced isn't exactly for the better and that is how sensitive I've been. Yes, it is understandable, I get that. but it still isn't good for me or other people that are close to me.
so, the game of ROOK.
you decide at the beginning of the game which color is trump. trump, meaning it's the best card you can play. if you are the only one who plays trump then you win that round. if someone else plays trump then the highest face value of the trump wins.
there have been many an instance where someone has done or said something to me that was unfair, rude, unfeeling...etc. immediately i play "the Lily card". that beats all. ...to me.
problem is that everyone is playing their own game. they've decided their own trump. they have their own problems and experiences that have helped in their decision of what their trump will be.
often times they are just trying to play their high cards but i trump theirs and i win. (this basically means that they were being a jerk and knew better than to do or say what they did)
in other instances, someone else is really playing their trump card. they see their trump as the most value. (ie., they are having a hard time too and don't really see your hard time for what it is)
well, last week something like this happened. yes, last week. Lily's week. Trump week. someone close to me played their trump. i felt like they were rude and unfeeling and selfish. why? because my trump was played. so, nothing else could beat it. they took my card and ripped it up and played theirs in its place. that's how i felt.
i am still having a hard time letting it go. why? because that is my card. the one i have been playing for a year. i needed to play it. but the problem is that i wasn't very good at seeing anyone else's hand or even their own game they were playing.
it is time. i need to consider why people play the cards they play. i am not the only one with trump. others have struggles too. it doesn't do any good comparing or judging because we give our own hand its value. it is time for me to pay attention and serve and love despite the way it effects my game. no one wins when we are playing by different rules. our experiences and our trials often make our rules. unless we decide otherwise.
i decide otherwise. i make my own rules. my cards have the same value as everyone else's. i choose to live my life aware. i decide to let these offenses go because they hold me back. i will know if i've really let them go if i don't try and play them later. they are gone. they have left my hand.
i will forgive and focus on new rules. i will live above that game.
one thing that has been enhanced isn't exactly for the better and that is how sensitive I've been. Yes, it is understandable, I get that. but it still isn't good for me or other people that are close to me.
so, the game of ROOK.
you decide at the beginning of the game which color is trump. trump, meaning it's the best card you can play. if you are the only one who plays trump then you win that round. if someone else plays trump then the highest face value of the trump wins.
there have been many an instance where someone has done or said something to me that was unfair, rude, unfeeling...etc. immediately i play "the Lily card". that beats all. ...to me.
problem is that everyone is playing their own game. they've decided their own trump. they have their own problems and experiences that have helped in their decision of what their trump will be.
often times they are just trying to play their high cards but i trump theirs and i win. (this basically means that they were being a jerk and knew better than to do or say what they did)
in other instances, someone else is really playing their trump card. they see their trump as the most value. (ie., they are having a hard time too and don't really see your hard time for what it is)
well, last week something like this happened. yes, last week. Lily's week. Trump week. someone close to me played their trump. i felt like they were rude and unfeeling and selfish. why? because my trump was played. so, nothing else could beat it. they took my card and ripped it up and played theirs in its place. that's how i felt.
i am still having a hard time letting it go. why? because that is my card. the one i have been playing for a year. i needed to play it. but the problem is that i wasn't very good at seeing anyone else's hand or even their own game they were playing.
it is time. i need to consider why people play the cards they play. i am not the only one with trump. others have struggles too. it doesn't do any good comparing or judging because we give our own hand its value. it is time for me to pay attention and serve and love despite the way it effects my game. no one wins when we are playing by different rules. our experiences and our trials often make our rules. unless we decide otherwise.
i decide otherwise. i make my own rules. my cards have the same value as everyone else's. i choose to live my life aware. i decide to let these offenses go because they hold me back. i will know if i've really let them go if i don't try and play them later. they are gone. they have left my hand.
i will forgive and focus on new rules. i will live above that game.
2 comments:
Wow, this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Honestly, I just came back from the park. Lots of friends were there, many pregnant, of course. I'm getting so much better with the pregnancy talk, but a few times it just grates on my nerves. Well, there is one lady who was really sick in the beginning... and she is still talking about it, over and over. This lady is my friend, someone who has had her share of trials, and someone I expected to be a little more understanding.
I don't know how to put it all into words, all i know is I left the park feeling angry and resentful and sad. I needed this post. I needed to hear this. I need to let my trump card go...
I love you Becca, & I love this post!
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