what's wrong with me?

previous to monday these were some thoughts....

i'm happy, that's weird.  i should be sad.  what's wrong with me?

i'm sad, there's no reason to be sad, what's wrong with me?

this might sound odd but it's true.  i felt confused a lot of the time with what i was feeling.  i would be weepy and not know why.  sometimes i'd be upset with myself because i couldn't get a handle on things.

then i went to see a counselor again on monday.  she talked about how our brain knows everything.  our brain has a way of remembering the anniversaries of hard times, etc.  everything is stored in our brain.  our brain is what triggers our feelings.

i could be feeling one way and not know why...but my brain does.

she talked about how feelings aren't bad and the best thing i can do is accept how i'm feeling.

i'm happy and that's okay.  i'm sad and that's okay.

reading the Narnia books with Ben has been really good for me.  C.S. Lewis was a very inspired man.  those books are full of inspiration.

one theme that is repeated over and over again is the fact we can't change the past.  we can muster up our courage and move forward.  do things that help give us courage.  in the book there is a character that is a type for Christ.  the other characters often get their courage from Him or are able to forgive themselves and move on because of Him.  it is beautiful.  and a perfect reminder for me.

two things: recognize how i'm feeling and do the things i feel inspired to do to take care of myself.

do things that help me feel closer to Christ and i will have greater courage and healing.

there is nothing wrong with me.  my mind and body are running a course.  a course that is necessary and purposeful.

i can feel how i feel.  there doesn't always need to be a logical reason.  i can feel it but i don't have to do it alone.  i shouldn't do it alone.

i live with intent.  i do the things i feel inspired to do and do it on purpose.  this is right.