A Forgiveness Story

 When I was a young girl about 10, I had some traumatic experiences with pedophiles. Once when I was walking home from a friends house(in my neighborhood) and another when walking into school.(on school grounds) Both instances the police were called, I was frightened and in tears. ( I also believe my mother was ticked & terrified)

Two places I felt safe…until I didn’t…until I wasn’t.

Fast forward 25 years into life, a bit into motherhood and many nightmares later. I had anger. I had resentment. I had fear. It haunted me.

 I signed up for a thirty day program with my friend Charlotte Varble to help clear my head. (-Just for life reasons, these experiences weren’t on my mind)

Each morning she sent a challenge of sorts. One day the challenge was forgiveness. 

“Pray about three people you need to forgive and then pray for the help to do it”. Well, I prayed. I had a paper ready to write down who came to mind. Imagine my surprise when these nameless men came to my mind.

 I needed to forgive them? This had never occurred to me.

I hope I never forget how I felt when I prayed for these men. I was freed. I was! Understanding and compassion replaced anger and resentment. My heart changed. Mine! 

It was a beautiful experience. One, I’m humbled and grateful for.

Not all forgiving takes a day. Something’s take time. I testify that forgiveness and repentance are possible because of Jesus Christ. He suffered for all, and for all we will experience. 

I invite you to accept the invitation of President Russell M. Nelson and forgive someone you need to forgive. If you’re not sure who, ask God. He knows. 

Oh, I’m so grateful for the many glorious messages of Easter! One of which, is that ALL wrongs will be made right. -in and through Him. He is our Savior & Redeemer! It doesn’t matter how long we’ve carried a burden. We can be freed. ❤️

Homeschooling older & younger kids together!

From my heart, I’m telling you that homeschooling older & younger kids together is worth it! I get giddy sharing my experiences with this! I’m amazed at how good it is for all of us!

I have 3 older kids, a four year gap and then 3 more. My youngest is three. 

If you read my last post, you know I have a thing for killing two birds with one stone.- So helpful for everyone! 

Moms in general are good at making the most of their time. When we drive we have serious talks, listen to audio books or play mental math games...or have dance parties. 

When I am doing anything with my older kids and the younger ones are nearby playing or looking at books; they are listening and learning. They hear the book discussion, the poem recitation, the math drills or spelling quizzes. I tell you, they benefit from all of that and there is still something more beneficial. -They see it and want it for themselves. Watching their older siblings (and you, mom!) is inspiring for them!

There is a flip side as well. (Remember, two birds) I don’t know about you, but I took a child development class is high school and a cooking, home economics and sewing class in junior high. This is homeschooling! I do so much teaching about child development, age appropriate behavior and other skills related to the other classes I mentioned. Your time “interrupted” by littles is NOT wasted! Your older kids develop a connection with their siblings and they learn SO MANY life skills in the process! It’s FABULOUS! 

Now, if they’ve been away during the day in school for several years, you may do a lot of talking about these “classes” they didn’t sign up for, so they understand and see the value. I do and we’ve been homeschooling their whole lives (sans one year). You will get good at seeing what they are learning from life around the house and pointing it out. They may appreciate it more if you sell it in this way than if it’s “the burden of being home!” Oh, these things bring so many rewards!

Okay, you may be thinking, “there is work to be done, how do we accomplish anything?!” 

To that point. There are many tactics and methods for management of getting schoolwork and housework and everything around and in between done. Here are some that have and do, work for me. 

Team talk and execution. You are a team. It’s not you against them and it’s not older kids against younger kids. You are in this together and you, as a team, are capable of figuring it out...and you will! Speak this way. Think this way!

Work in shifts. Do a rotation. One child does an activity with the kids while you work with the other two and then they switch. (Start with short shifts if they aren’t used to this sort of thing)

I love table time and it works well for all my kids, even the three year old. We have table time right after devotional (not scripture study) and they can pick something they may want help from mom with and I provide activity options for the little ones. An example of table time work is: writing in their journal (if they need help with spelling) or math practice or on Friday it would be a spelling quiz. This could also be science projects or crafting that we can do at the same time. Letting the older kids lead and teach? Win!

The older they get though, the less they need help with. My 15 year old son works his tail off and finds me if he needs something. 

I’ll insert this here because I know you’re thinking about curriculum and what my 15 year old is working his tail off doing. :)

He takes one online class from Greg Denning. Everything else is an in person class. I am SUPER picky about online anything for my kids. We do not want bored boys (or girls) online! If they are not completely engaged in the class, it is not just a waste of time and money, it’s a really bad idea. 

So, he takes an excellent debate class. He’s part of a mock trial team and takes early morning seminary. We are participating in a commonwealth school this year that is one day a week. He also runs cross country and swims for the high school. You want active, engaged boys! He does math on his own. He’s currently working through “The Beginners Guide to Constructing the Universe” -because he wants to. 

Alright, if you are concerned about motivated kids, hear this. Take six weeks to have fun with learning. Don’t worry about “falling behind”. If they love to or want to learn, you, and everyone are so much better off! If taking six weeks to have fun learning makes you nervous, set low expectations for book work and put your focus on interest led learning. 

To clarify, my oldest does not join us for table time anymore. He has a desk in his room. He typically comes out for meals, devotional and for a break. He knows the chores he’s responsible for and he does his online class in the front room on a laptop and headphones. 

I never have used curriculum to fill up his days. We have enjoyed books and played math games mostly. We’ve used his interests to fuel  what we did with our time. 

During nap time, all my kids do quiet learning type things. This could be a workbook they can do alone, reading, writing, audiobooks while they build or draw. I do similar things during this time as well. Even when we kids want to do something together I insist on individual time for 45 minutes or an hour. It’s really about mental health. We need a break from each other!

Last thing...I think. :)

If your kids are old enough to make decisions, involve them in designing their education. It’s like involving them in cooking a meal. When it’s served, they are so much more excited to eat it!

Rocket launching was the 7 year olds idea. We ALL loved that one!

Okay, what do you need clarified? I’m a visual person. I hope you’re seeing how this works!

Next post is my method for goals and how we keep going week in and week out. 

You’ve got this! I’m serious. ❤️

What I wish I'd known when I first started homeschooling 10 years ago

Here are a few things I wish I had known when I started homeschooling and some things I'm grateful were shared with me!

Homeschooling is like life. I wish I had known enough to cut myself some slack.

Homeschool is NOT like public school.  There are no janitors, no lunch ladies, no parents who come in to help prepare your craft projects and if I try to pretend that I can do all that plus maintain my household and teach, I burn out.

Early on I was given some advice and I was hungry for it.  When you homeschool, you get to pick your own busy.  It's still busy, but it is the busy you choose.

Trying to do public school at home doesn't work in the long run.

When I first started, I had three that were school age and they had all gone to school for a full year or half of one at public school.   There were things they missed.  So, we talked about them and incorporated some of those things into our school day or week.  They felt heard and validated.  Involve your kids in designing your school days! (more on this when I share our main method)

One HUGE thing that I wish I had known is that the curriculum is not the goal.  It is the means to the goal.  Knowing my intentions for my kids has been a game changer.

I'll illustrate it this way. If you know what colors look best on you, when you shop, you look for those colors and pass the others by with confidence.

Same is true with curriculum, extra activities, shows to watch, books to read.  When you know what you would like to accomplish and what their needs are, you then shop that way.  You look for the curriculum, activities, books and shows that facilitate that.  We all know, the time we have with our kids is short.  We have to be intentional!

Since I have these intentions for my kids, I can then ask myself, what are their needs right now?  How can I facilitate and provide opportunities for their growth and development to this end?  What do I love that I want to pass onto them?  What do they love that we can add to and find motivation from?  THEN I can shop effectively.  Otherwise, I end up overwhelmed with how I'm going to do it all!

I revisit my objectives and intentions often!  In another post I will share my method for this so I actually do it.  :)

I will plug this bit of advice about revelation right here.  No matter what method of education you are pursuing this year for each of your kids, you can ask all these questions and learn the answers.  This will guide you if you haven't decided what to do yet.  Consider their needs and then ask yourself and God, how those needs will best be met.  Oh, that guidance is for you!  Our kids need for us to be guided and parent them with confidence.

This brings me to my next thing.  :)
You absolutely do not need to know everything right now.  Knowing all the answers to every unasked question is an unfair expectation for anyone.  Ride this wave: "I love my kids and when they have questions, I can courageously find answers with them."  You sure can and they will be better for it!

Why?  Because that is a model that they can follow.  They won't always know all the answers either.  If they grow up thinking that their parents never wondered or sought out answers for themselves, what will they think when they don't know the answers?!  "Something must be wrong with me.  Now what do I do?!"  Give them this gift.  Ride the wave of asking questions and finding answers together!  It is bonding, liberating and fun!  Don't act like you're stupid, or they will too.  Not knowing an answer does not make you stupid.  Not digging for answers does.   Enjoy the dig!

Okay, it has to be said.  YOU are a person.  Make time in your days, for you!  No, all of it does not need to be before they wake up. 
Here is one way I figure out what I need to do on my own and with my kids.  I call this the "two birds with one stone" list.  Make a list of your needs and a list of their needs.  What do you have in common?  Exercise, fresh air, brushing my teeth and hair, cleaning up after myself at breakfast, folding my laundry, singing, dancing, doing something artistic, eating healthy food, -to name a few.

This is a hodgepodge of advice.  I am HAPPY to help.  I know what I know from experience AND because others took time to answer my questions.  You do not have to reinvent the wheel on everything.  There are others on this ride too.  Talk to them!

You will learn what works best for your kids and you.  This is a PROCESS.  Pay attention and tweak as you go.  You have that privilege.  You are not bound to every page of that curriculum and the amount of time they said to work on it.  You are capable of assessing the energy in your house and deciding right then that homeschool will be at the park today or that instead, we are going for a walk, reading books and playing games today.  You will learn to see these days as valuable to your family relationships and that is worthy to be called a WIN!

I look back over my homeschooling journey and I am amazed at the guidance I received as I went.  I'll tell you this: often, things changed for the better for me because I talked to someone.  Seriously, sometimes I barely knew them and we were at the park and other times, they were a dear friend.  I heard something and it resonated with me so we changed courses.  Listen.  Consider the needs of your family and move your feet!  Then the Lord has something to guide.

Homeschooling is like life, we figure it out as we go.  We laugh and we cry, we eat too much chocolate and we remember to exercise..or we don't and that's okay!
Everyday is a gift.  Truly.  I love this homeschooling journey!  It is a wonderful ride!  Glad you're here for it!  You've got this!

Next post: how I homeschool. 
What questions do you have?  What can I elaborate on further?

What do you hope for?

How are you doing? Is your stash of chocolate still holding strong? How is your homeschool?  I have felt to share something that has come to my mind for my own improvement.  I hope it may help you too.

Years ago I read a game changer book called, “Leadership and Self Deception”.  In it they introduce the Pyramid of Change:

There are two parts to this pyramid:

1. What to do when things go wrong

AND

2. How to help things go right.

How do you think the areas

are split? 50/50?

I mentioned before that

This is a game changer.

It’s like 5/95.

Early this morning I was up with our youngest who hasn’t yet mastered the sleeping skill.  I was sitting in the rocking chair next to his bed thinking about this lesson.  A line from one of President Eyring’s latest talks came to mind.  “She molds living clay to the shape of her hopes”.  You guys!  This is how we help things go right.

What do you hope for in your home, for your family culture, for your individual children, for yourself? We need to know this! Once we have a blueprint for what we want to build, we can start building with purpose!

President Russell M. Nelson has told us this period of trial won’t last.  What will we say when this is over?

We have been given a gift.  Will we open it or recognize years later that it spoiled in the box?

Here’s what I’m thinking for ways to improve myself: 

I will take care of myself spiritually, really well.  Then I will take care of myself physically, the best that I can. 

I will show up for my kids each day with a plan to build and to fortify. 

I will focus on what I CAN CONTROL: how I feel, how I act, what I do with my time. 

I will set clear expectations and rewards for my kids that are suited to their age, skills and how they are handling this situation. 

I will structure our time so they have the opportunity to earn the privileges that come with doing what is expected.

We have the power to help things go right.  Do you know what you hope for?  How will you mold to the shape of your hopes?

on getting to work

There I was, driving to pick up one of our children from somewhere.  It was December and it was dark and cold.  I was reflecting on the year and thinking a bit about what was ahead.

 Now, I have long since determined not to try and explain my brain, so I won't attempt that here.

 Somehow I knew in my reflection that I had focused entirely too much on my weaknesses and not enough on my strengths.  It had been a difficult year and one that I tried to get on top of and couldn't ever quite make it.  I did do some great things, I just, I don't know, was negative about it...never quite feeling like I was enough or doing enough.

Looking back on this conversation I was having with myself, I know it was guarded by an Angel or some Being of Light because it was not a depressing conversation...I've had those and I know the difference.

My thoughts rolled forward onto how things could be better for me...and how I could put my strengths to work. Then the following story came to mind:

There once was a young missionary, by the name of Elder Hinckley who was away from his family, in a foreign land and discouraged.  He wrote home to his Dad saying, "I think I should come home.  I'm wasting your money and my time". The day came when he received the highly anticipated letter from his Father, it read, "Dear Son, Forget yourself and go to work".

Now, as a mother of six children at home, a fabulous husband, two kittens, and five chickens, forgetting myself is really not a problem.  :)

"Go and Do" is going through my head.  Our two oldest are youth age and this is their theme for the year.  I think I'll adopt it. 

On forgetting myself...I think what Elder Hinckley's Father meant was, give what you've got, stop worrying about what will or won't happen and leave the rest up to The Lord.  This is hugely applicable to me and any person who feels inspired to take any course of action and then doubts themselves.  Turn that off.  Get to work.  Oh, the time and energy I have wasted crying over not being or doing enough. 

I suppose I'll be done with thinking that time was wasted.  I'll choose to be grateful because I learned from it and I have decided I can Go and Do more purposeful things that bring light and build others up.

Yeah, I'll get to work.

What I learned from my Bucket list year

My dream came true last September when Zach sent me to a hotel for my birthday.  I ordered takeout, took a bath, read a book, actually two.

It was a great kick off for the next year.  I decided that I would make a list of things I wanted to do that year.  38 to be exact.  It was one of my better ideas.

You see, I have six kids, ages 14 down to 2.  We home school. Life is full. So full, I forget I have one. ...most days.

My husband hunts.  Every fall, I would have some type of emotional breakdown.  He would say something a long the lines of, "you should do something for yourself".  I would continue to cry and say something a long the lines of, "I don't know what I like."

So, I decided to make a list of things I would like to try and call it a bucket list.

On that list were things like, go for a bike ride with friends, try mountain biking, start a moms outdoor adventure group.

Read so many books a loud to my kids.

Learn how to make sushi and try new recipes, some foreign.

Take family pictures twice.

Have way more girls weekends.

Go to the Temple more.

And take my kids.

Try new things. Thanks Dave!

Go on a road trip!  Visit Bryce Canyon.

Do a ropes course!

Take my family on more outings and adventures.

Visit a hot springs. (yep, I never have before)

Laugh more.

Do a family service project.

Learn how to play pickle ball.

Thanks Dave!

Say yes to things that are outside my comfort zone.

Learn how to shoot guns...and actually hit something.

Thanks Zach!

Go backpacking for more than one night. (So fun!)

Eat better.  Complete a mom bod course.

Go hiking more.

Stay in a yurt...in the winter.

I didn't do everything on my list and I'm totally okay with that.  I am so happy with what I did do.  I have done more for myself and tried more new things this year than I ever have in one year.  

Here's what I learned: my husband rocks!  He is so supportive, I cry thinking about it. 

I really like people.

I really like the outdoors.

I really like reading.

I really like laughing.

I really like using my muscles.

I really like the Temple.

My kids really like to see me do things and it's good for them.

If you plan it and involve others, it will happen.

Other people want to do things too, talk about it and you'll be surprised at the adventures that follow.

I really love My Father in Heaven for granting me 38 years of this beautiful life.

Fuel your fire Baby!

Zach was out scouting for elk.  We had slept under the stars.  I enjoyed laying there watching the sun come up...then I started getting anxious about bears and coyotes and birds pooping on my head.  True story. 

 I decided my thoughts were embarrassing so I got up.  

I got bundled, gathered my study materials and started a fire.  I sat down by my little fire and started to read.  After a few minutes, maybe twenty, I laughed at myself.  I couldn't feel the fire I had built and I was sitting there shivering. "For goodness sake, build a fire and get warm!"

If you've been reading this blog long, you know I love a good analogy.  So, The Holy Ghost or my Angels, love teaching me this way and it is good fun.

Back to the fire.  It was cold out of my blanket, but I gathered kindling and all sizes of wood.  I had let my fire sit for so long with hardly anything to work with so I had to essentially start over.

I crumpled napkin, put small twigs around it and built it up from there.  

I love fire.

What I found though, was that while building it, I got warmer, even before my fire was roaring.

I like to be warm, especially when all around me is cold.  

Isn't that like life and the world we live in?

It can sure be cold and dark and sad.

When we are warm...or working to be, life feels manageable. 

How do we stay warm in a cold world?  Life throws a lot at us.  We have a very real adversary that wants to get us down and keep us there. How do you fuel your fire?  How do you maintain it?  When the wind is blowing, it can put out a little fire.  If the fire is strong enough, wind fuels it and even spreads it.  We don't need to worry about the wind.  We can focus on our fire.

President Eyring has said, "Great faith has a short shelf life".  We must do something with what we have or we will lose it.  Fires do burn themselves out.  They need fuel. Some ideas for fuel that come to my mind are:
*Time in the Temple (regularly scheduled is best)
*Time in the scriptures (quiet place, with a question in mind and a notebook and pen)
*Good music, entertainment, books (anything that invites the spirit of inspiration)
*Any type of family history work (indexing, tell your family a family story)
*Service (the inspired kind. Ask in prayer who needs you and how you can help)
*Prayer (definitely)

As I'm writing, the following quote came to my mind.  If this is you and you are not sure about God and your relationship to Him, listen to President Russell M. Nelson:

“If you are not sure you even believe in God, start there. Understand that in the absence of experiences with God, one can doubt the existence of God. So, put yourself in a position to begin having experiences with Him. Humble yourself. Pray to have eyes to see God’s hand in your life and in the world around you. Ask Him to tell you if He is really there—if He knows you. Ask Him how He feels about you. And then listen.”

"Faith is like a little seed, if planted, it WILL grow." (primary song)

Work to build your fire.  Over time, you will get warmer, your love for God will grow.

"First and forever, fan the flame of your faith because all things are possible to them that believe."     -Elder Jefferey R. Holland.

I fan my faith and fuel my fire when I share it.  I fan my faith and fuel my fire when I live it.

I see the need to fan and fuel my faith when I let it go out a bit.  I am amazed and grateful that even repenting can fuel my fire of faith.  I see His love for me in just this one thing. 

I want to have more experiences with God.  I love Him.  I need Him.  I'm grateful for Him and His influence in my life and the life of my family. Oh, He is everything.

Let's fuel this fire!